Good Moments

I slept for a long time. Even counting a few brief wake-ups, I think it was fifteen hours, which is remarkable. Probably a lot of fatigue had built up, since so much happened last week. Though I feel like I'm always tired anyway. Maybe I've become a little more at ease, enough to actually rest. Anyway, when I briefly woke, my head was tangled and full of strange worries, and now they've vanished so completely I can't even remember what they were.

Lots of good things happened last week. I went on a picnic and spent time relaxing, went to a design festival's networking party and showed off Patternflow, and yesterday I even saw a play. I don't know where to start. Writing as it comes, it was really good. Oh, and the funding ended. It was a date already set, so no particular feeling about it. Just that now there's work ahead.

The Seoul Design Week networking party the day before yesterday! Hyunji applied for a plus-one ticket, so I tagged along. Thank youuu. I got there early and went straight to the DJ to introduce Patternflow. Because a DJ had really loved it at a hackathon I'd gone to the day before. Not quite that level of reaction this time, but we did swap Instagrams. It was in English, though, which was a bit much for me. The set afterward was really cool. I was sitting in the front row and got asked to move back because those were reserved seats. There was no sign. I sat next to an older gentleman and got talking, and he turned out to be a very senior alumnus of Hongik's Visual Communication Design department. He's also head of a design association, so he gets invited to all sorts of events and attends out of a sense of responsibility. Afterward he bought us samgyeopsal, which was delicious. He told me to drop by his office sometime soon, and I'm going to!

I'd brought Patternflow, but I was too shy to go around showing it off or put it somewhere visible. While I was talking with Taekyung, Hyunji took it and stood it on the table in front, and thanks to that lots of people gathered round and tried it. Explaining it to one person, then two, people's reactions were so good and it got so fun that whenever someone drifted near, I'd swoop in to explain like some overeager hornet. Along the way I swapped business cards with tons of people and talked about doing something together! Hyunji is the best. Oh, but over samgyeopsal, the older gentleman told me that with senior people I shouldn't say "So-and-so CEO," just "CEO." He said that's the polite way, but I'm not so sure. When someone just calls me "CEO" without my name it actually feels colder, which is why I'd been adding names on purpose. Anyway, if that's how he sees it, that's how I'll do it with him.

Back home, going through all the business cards I'd frantically swapped, there were so many professors. It felt like recognition, and I was really happy. From now on, whenever there's an event or a chance to meet lots of people, I'm going to bring Patternflow more actively! Tomorrow, even, Sangdu invited me to some party at the Italian Cultural Institute, so I'll bring it. But… it's really fun and great and all, and still, feeling hollow afterward seems unavoidable. Nothing actually happens or pays off right away to match how high the expectations rose, so you come back down to baseline, and that feeling is not great. Hm… maybe that's a spoiled thing to say. Anyway, there's honestly no place Patternflow suits better than a party. It's a top-tier attention magnet.

Last year at the Arts Korea Lab Festival, an artist who'd come from Google, I think? said something like this. That to succeed as an artist, going out to all sorts of places, talking to people, and networking matters more than working at home nonstop. That does seem true, but I'm not sure I want that. In the moment it's definitely fun, and it's definitely a place where opportunities appear, but it wears me out just as fast. I like home.

It doesn't have to be home, though. The day before that party, Hyunji and I went for a picnic at Olympic Park. I wanted to see the Lone Tree I remembered from when I was a kid. Ever since coming up to Seoul I'd meant to go see it once, but couldn't find where it was… I think I found out last year, and kept putting it off. Because it was too far. It's in Gangnam, about an hour by public transit from Hongdae, and biking to Haneul Park or Noeul Park was much nicer. Anyway, we went, ate delicious food until we were full, and walked around the park a lot to digest. Then we lay on the picnic mat for a while killing time before heading back. The Basak King chicken was so good, and it was just really nice.

It was the first time since moving to Seoul that I'd gone to a park with someone. I usually just biked there alone whenever it struck me. I've casually suggested going to a park together to really close friends a few times, but we never actually went. Coordinating schedules is a hassle, and more than anything I think I worried whether going with someone could be as comfortable as going alone. However close we are, I might feel I have to force conversation, or it might get a little heavy. A worry that the ease I feel going to the park alone would disappear? A café or a meal ends in a few hours, but a park is a much longer stretch of time. I worried about that this time too, but thankfully it was so comfortable and nice! Walking through the woods without a thought, lying down and looking at the sky… the best kind of healing.

Part of the reason I could focus on that time is surely the AI system I've built and been using lately. What it is… put simply, it's AI working as a team all day and through the night, and thanks to it I no longer need to sit in front of the computer. I've been freed from the house! More than anything, the feeling that work keeps moving and improving even when I'm not paying attention let me focus on other things with an easy mind. Though as of today, I'm not sure that's really true. The system has improved a lot, so there's more worth trying… possibilities multiply, and the feeling that I should be doing more creeps in on its own. I built it because I hated that, and in the end it comes back anyway; I guess that's just how people are. Going forward I want to delegate a lot about Patternflow to that system, but I don't know if it'll work. It's really good at making things that look convincing, but when you actually look at the details there's naturally a lot lacking. In the end I still have to fix things myself.

I don't know why, but five hours ago, partway through writing this, I went to the club room at school and soldered. Then I went out again and assembled six Patternflows at the office. Thinking about routes and efficiency, it would have been better to prepare more first, but I guess I wanted to knock out what I could right away. When too many to-dos pile up in my head it gets hard, so if I can cut them down now, it's better to just move and do it without thinking. Making six took about two hours of soldering and two hours of assembly. Thankfully they all worked, and soon I'll use them for a workshop at the Seoul Design Startup Center and as loaners.

Once the funding payout comes, I have to start production… and printing has me torn again. Buy a printer and do it myself, or just hand it to a domestic company? It's cost versus time… should I just knock it out fast? But then what would be left for me? Would I even use a printer much if I had one? I'm not sure the balcony in the studio I'm supposed to move into has enough space, and it isn't even settled whether that room will come through, so honestly it's a pointless worry.

I'm also trying to make merch. Poster printing? That could at least turn out pretty. I've been trying, but as expected, it's a hassle. The website has to look great, and I have to sign up for and integrate all sorts of services, and even that is too much of a bother. Printing and selling myself is possible, sure, but it takes too much of my hands. Plus the audience is entirely global, so going mainly with fulfillment services is basically a given.

I don't know where I've sold off music and English study. I think I'm doing well, still, but I'm not sure it's the direction I want. Are there just a lot of things to think about, or am I overthinking for no reason… am I too impatient?